i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
