My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
