im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize