Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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