They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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