i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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