I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize