it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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