I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
