Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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