you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
