oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The air taste purple.
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