Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
