She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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