his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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