the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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