ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
two words: eviction party
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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