this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
