"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
