Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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