bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
