A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
