so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize