In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
