your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
