Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize