So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
