Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
