You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The air was thick with penises
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
