Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
