She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize