i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
