I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
