Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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