Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
