I'm pants shitting drunk right now
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
