Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
