Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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