Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
