dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
