we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
