Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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