I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
