Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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