girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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