I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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