Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
