Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just had sex bonerless
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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