I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
