Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
