Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
