ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
