I heard we made out
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
