why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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