I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
