Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Panties = found
Randomize
