During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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