sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
