I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
