dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
