I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
