He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
