my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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