i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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