So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Randomize
