please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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