brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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