i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
