Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
