Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize