dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
