worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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