oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Green mimosas i think yes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
