Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
