he wants to bone in the snuggie
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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