My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
