What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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