I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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