I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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