my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
