worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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