Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
