Don't make out with my wife yet
Your dad touched me again.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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