Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
