dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
