That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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