found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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