I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize