Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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