What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
