Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
