i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
