I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize