I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
