My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
