I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
