Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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