He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
