Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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