And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
