T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
