Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
