Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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