2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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