Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize