You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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