I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
